Friday, September 5, 2008

First Kosher CD hits shelves today

Finally, after years of putting pressure on the music industry, the Vaad L'Man Bitul Z'Man has come up with a way to once again make a mockery of every Godol. The new brainstorm, a Hechsher on music. The first completely Kosher CD has gone on sale today in all Kosher music stores.

In order to ensure that a CD will receive Rabbinical certification and be allowed to be sold in Jewish music stores the production must adhere to a number of special rules.

The rules for Kosher CD production are as follows:

1) The singer must have a biblical first name.

2) The singer must have a last name that does not sound Goyish.

3) The singer must be koveah itim l'torah or at least sit in Kollel.

4) The singer has to have been a member of the Chevra Kadisha for at least one year.

5) The CD cover cannot be printed in more than two colors.

6) Only old-style or handwritten fonts can be used for the CD cover.

7) Every Kosher CD must come with a side order of potato kugel.

8) The CD cannot contain any audible sounds.

9) The Hechsher only holds if the CD cannot be played on a CD player that has radio or MP3 capabilities.
Any CD that does not bear the Kosher certification label covering at least 28% of the cover will not be permissible to be sold at any Jewish music store.

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